NETWORK ‘SCHMETWORK’

Last week my business partner Susan and I attended a Women in Business networking lunch.

We’ve recently started our own advertising business you see, so we’ve been networking our little buts off.

It was packed – over 300 women (and some blokes) had rocked up to mingle and be inspired by guest speaker Layne Beachley – surely there would be a new client for us among them.

I suggested to Susan that in order to maximize our networking opportunities, perhaps we should sit on separate tables rather than next to each other.  She thought that was a stupid idea – “what if the people we sit next to are boring – then what would we do?” she said.  

It was a moot point anyway as we had been ‘allocated’ to a table.

As we approached the table, I scanned the seated women – hoping our next new client would be among them.

I didn’t like the look of them.  Next to the empty seat that I would occupy, was a ‘plus-size’ lady (we’ll actually more of a man/lady) in a hideous blue frock.  She was drinking from a stubby (I’m not kidding!).

“Hi I’m Mandy and this is Sue,” I said.  “Hi I’m Renee” she responded in a very manly voice.  Renee worked in construction and would’ve actually looked better had she worn her ‘high viz’ vest and hard hat.

We moved on pretty quickly to the woman beside her – who’s name was Leanne.. or Deanne (same/same).  We cut to the chase… “What do you do Leanne/Deanne?”

Leanne/Deanne proudly announced that she was… wait for it… an Industrial Guillotine Blade Sharpener.  WTF?  At that point the water I was drinking actually came out of my noise.

Sue tried to pretend she was interested but I had lost it.

At that precise moment, a woman dressed in a black suit and Madonna-style earpiece and microphone approached our table - she looked like security. 

She looked at our name tags and said very sternly:  “You two – you’re on the wrong table!”

I was part way through eating someone else’s bread roll and rifling through their showbag but was out of that chair so quickly I almost forgot to take my handbag...