THE PICKER HAS MY BOOK

At my last agency I sat opposite a girl who became known as ‘The Picker’. 

We called her this because she regularly picked her nose and her face. Ewwww!

Now even though I sat opposite her, I actually only saw this happen once, but my colleagues noticed it far more regularly and used to hyperventilate in horror each time it happened.

She also used to take off her shoes and walk around in bare feet.  Not cool in an open plan office.

She was English – maybe that had something to do with it? (although, I was engaged to an Englishman once and he was very clean).

One day, The Picker (who had been on maternity leave) came into the office with her new baby for our kids’ Christmas party.

As the champagne bell rang, we naturally stampeded downstairs.  I was hot on the heels of The Picker - who managed quite a pace even while carrying baby-picker.

So fast was she, that she didn’t actually notice that a colostrum-soaked breast pad had fallen out of her bra and onto the floor… right under my foot!

Awkward… 

For me… not for her. 

In a gesture of pure sisterhood, I leant down and picked up the pad and disposed of it in one of the Gen Y-er’s bins (he heee!).

Before she went on maternity leave, I lent The Picker a book – Still Alice, about a woman with Alzheimers.  She has clearly forgotten to return it to me (…do I need to point out the irony?).

It actually wasn’t my book in the first place – it’s my sister-in-laws and she’s probably wondering what’s happened to it.

I think I might just buy my sister-in-law a new one.

TUTU

My business partner Susan has not one but two tutus. 

A pink one and a black one. 

This is not because she’s a ballerina – they are just part of her everyday wardrobe. 

She also has another very short skirt that I call the ‘Tibetan Kilt’ (it’s kind of a tartan thing with a ethnic edge) and a bolero jacket that’s very shaggy – I call it the ‘bathmat’.

Now that we’re business partners, Susan has to seek my permission to wear a tutu to a business meeting – I’m just not sure of the message it sends…

Bob Carey on the other hand has a good reason for wearing one… www.thetutuproject.com

What a Knight

My daughter Miss G was in her first ever school play recently.

On hearing there would be an inaugural year 4 and 5 school production I was so excited – remembering my own glory days on stage when I starred as Liesel in The Sound of Music (I still feel like I’m 16 going on 17…). 

Miss G on the other hand wanted no part in the play, so volunteered for a back stage role (she’s so like her father…) until she was coerced by her teacher to join the chorus.

She had to wear this medieval wench costume – which almost killed her:

A)  because it was padded like a doona and nearly made her pass out from heat exhaustion

B) because she HATES dresses (in fact, hates  clothes and fashion full stop.  Breaks my heart.)

Look how happy she is in this photo.

My mum who went to the first night’s performance was horrified that Miss G wore black Converse hi-tops (the only shoes she wears … other than thongs) with the “pretty dress”, suggesting a “court shoe” might have been more appropriate. 

A court shoe… please!

After two nights of pain and torture for Miss G, I said to her “there must have been something you liked about it.  What was your favourite part?”

“THE END”  she replied!