COSMOPOLITAN WEEKEND

I spent last weekend in paradise.

Qualia, Hamilton Island.  Put it on your bucket list.

I had all the things I love:  beach, pool, the comfiest beach lounges, the fluffiest pillows… and pretty much Verve on tap (I even drank it in bed!).

Chauffeur to our private beach

We spent Sunday on a private beach – with a gourmet picnic.  Sublime.

The weekend was also very educational.

Lazing by the pool, I read Cosmopolitan magazine for the first time in about 33 years (it was in the guest library – I didn’t actually buy it).

And OMFG… I was engrossed for as long as it took me to finish my bottle of Verve.

Here are some of the things I discovered:

• Cocktologist (noun):  Someone wise in the ways of male genetalia
•    If you want to go back to being a virgin again, there’s a new “vaginal tightening” cream called “18 Again”
• “Not Allowedsies” is the new relationship trick that we should all be trying.  As the name suggests, it’s as simple as withholding the object of your partner’s desire until he just can’t take it anymore
•  A free luxury holiday is apparently as easy as signing up on misstravel.com – which will match you with a “generous member” who will gladly take you on holiday.  Hmmmm.
• 29.1% of women masturbate once a week.
• And there’s a whole story on how to get more pleasure from his penis!

So um, yep, it was a really great weekend.

Swoon

I’m a Libran, so I go giddy at the sight of beautiful things.

Imagine then, my excitement this week at The Design Files Open House (TDFOH).

TDF is my favourite blog (www.thedesignfiles.net ) – my daily dose of beautifulness.

Lucy Feagins is the editor and woman responsible for curating this festival of gorgeousness.  I met her at TDFOH.

Me and Lucy

I hold Lucy responsible for my serious credit card lashing.

I couldn’t resist a fluro canvass by Rachel Castle (www.castleandthings.com.au). I already have two of her felt embroideries  - no home should be without one I say.  We gave a Rachel Castle felt on linen embroidery to my friend Nickers for her 40^th Birthday last year.  The wording on it said “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” (she’s a dancer you see. Well… a cheerleader actually!).  We gave it to her unframed and one of the boys, who clearly didn’t appreciate its beauty, called it a very expensive tea towel!  No idea.

Mine is the one with the pink background.

A Beci Oprin collage.  I’ve lusted for a Beci Orpin (www.becioprin.com) piece for a while now.  I met her at my last agency where she illustrated a campaign for us and I just bought her book Find and Keep for Miss G for Christmas.  On my scale of ace-ness Beci scores a 9.5!

Plus I bought a stunningly delicate Emma Cleine print and a super cool terrarium from Miniscapes.

There was furniture from Jardan (I’m a Jardan-a-holic… I have three of their sofas), rugs by Loom, homewares from Marimekko… so much deliciousness under the one roof I was in design heaven!

Trapped!

My washing machine has stopped mid-cycle with clothes trapped inside it.  Arghhhhh!

The ‘Door open’ light is on but the door is not open.  I’ve tried pausing it, turning it off, I even gave it a good hip and shoulder.  No good.

I’ve googled and looked in the manual – hoping to find a solution.  Nothing. 

“How was your day?” the kids asked when I picked them up.   “Terrible – the washing machine has stopped with all the clothes inside,” I told them.

 “Can we have a slushie?” they replied.

Care factor ZERO!  That was until I peered inside the machine to see what was in there…

• Hubby’s golf pants
• Mr O’s basketball uniform
• Ms G’s navy school polo shirt (the one that didn’t get washed over the weekend because she didn’t put it in the dirty washing basket. The ONLY one she wears… she has others but they are either light blue (‘no way’) or a size smaller (still fit but ‘no way’).  She had to make do with a navy size 8 this morning and boy was there a scene!)

I actually don't think there's anything of mine in there at all.

All of a sudden everyone’s interested in fixing the machine.

I might wait until tomorrow before calling the handyman…

Giddy Up

Yesterday was Oaks Day and what a stunning day it was at Flemington – I actually got sunburnt.

We had a magic spot on The Rails with only a brush fence separating us from the Emirates, Myer, Crown and other posh marquees in The Birdcage.  Perfect for people watching.

On the way there, Susan suggested that I check the paperwork to see what time we had to have our car in and out of The Rails carpark.  The piece of paper (that had escaped my attention the night before) said 10am.  It was 9.53am and we weren’t even close to Flemington.

The van (yes Susan drives a black Viano - handy for such events) was packed with everything we needed for the day - tables, chairs, food, a market umbrella, 2 cases of Verve, a case of Peroni, case of wine, a dozen bottles of water, eskys, ice, flowers – we even had another larger table strapped to the roof.  

The thought of having to cart everything into The Rails from another distant carpark in skyscraper heels was sickening.

And did I mention we were entertaining clients?  All of whom were arriving from 11am? 

Fortunately on arrival, we were allowed access – crisis averted.  My arse saved!

The bigger crisis of the day was me spotting someone else in the same frock!   Beyond disastrous.  I quickly shooed her away… far away with an evil look and some stern hand signals.

So, the outfit…

The Shoes

Dress: I bought from Magali Pascal in Bali earlier in the year

Headpiece: Port Douglas market (seriously)

Shoes:  I took three pairs.  A killer pair of Stuart Wietzman heels that I bought at 4.30pm the day before Oaks after a 2-week search!  I was giddy when I found them.  Plus a back-up pair of CR heels and my ugg boots (for the ride home in the car).

Bag: Secondhand Mimco from a market

Hangover rating:  9.5/10.  Thank god there was no booze bus at school drop off this morning…

THE PICKER HAS MY BOOK

At my last agency I sat opposite a girl who became known as ‘The Picker’. 

We called her this because she regularly picked her nose and her face. Ewwww!

Now even though I sat opposite her, I actually only saw this happen once, but my colleagues noticed it far more regularly and used to hyperventilate in horror each time it happened.

She also used to take off her shoes and walk around in bare feet.  Not cool in an open plan office.

She was English – maybe that had something to do with it? (although, I was engaged to an Englishman once and he was very clean).

One day, The Picker (who had been on maternity leave) came into the office with her new baby for our kids’ Christmas party.

As the champagne bell rang, we naturally stampeded downstairs.  I was hot on the heels of The Picker - who managed quite a pace even while carrying baby-picker.

So fast was she, that she didn’t actually notice that a colostrum-soaked breast pad had fallen out of her bra and onto the floor… right under my foot!

Awkward… 

For me… not for her. 

In a gesture of pure sisterhood, I leant down and picked up the pad and disposed of it in one of the Gen Y-er’s bins (he heee!).

Before she went on maternity leave, I lent The Picker a book – Still Alice, about a woman with Alzheimers.  She has clearly forgotten to return it to me (…do I need to point out the irony?).

It actually wasn’t my book in the first place – it’s my sister-in-laws and she’s probably wondering what’s happened to it.

I think I might just buy my sister-in-law a new one.